A thought on Fathers

Why do we celebrate fathers day? 

Is it an excuse to eat steak and play baseball in the yard? 

Is it an excuse to buy gifts and write cards? 

I think we celebrate fathers day to say thanks to the parent who sometimes gets the raw end of the stick.

Mom's get thanked in obvious ways (regular hugs, phone calls, shared pictures). 

Mom's get called when something great happens at work, you have a new crush, you just got a raise. 

Mom's get called when there are relationships to talk about, when the grandkids want to skype, and when you've had a great day. 

Dad's get called when the car breaks down, the sink leaks, or there is a weird smell coming from the vents. 

Dad's get called when the bank account is empty, the check engine light comes on, or the computer freezes up. 

But Dad keeps plugging on, never complaining and continually giving advice. No doubt asking mom to fill him in on the good stuff.

Dad - sorry for the times that I forget to call you when something great happens, or forget to include you when I send a great picture. 

Sorry for the times I call to ask how to fix something and then ask for mom to talk about my day!

When I think about all the times I call you for advice I realize that there is one very simple reason that you are my first call. 

I trust you,

probably more than anyone else in my life. 

I trust that you know what you are talking about (except when you cheat at boggle). 

I trust that you can fix whatever is going wrong in my life. 

I trust that you won't think I'm stupid or get frustrated by my naivety. 

I trust that my lack of banking skills will not have any effect on the amount of love you feel towards me. 

I trust you dad! 

So in the future, I will try to call you more with the good stuff. But if it is ok with you, I will continue to call you whenever I need some help. 

Thanks for being the Worlds GREATEST Dad!!

P.S. The front seat of my car broke this week so you can expect my call soon :)

Adventures with Kayak

When I got a Newfie I knew that puppies had a tendency to get into just about anything. I didn't take into consideration however that a 5 month, 65 pound puppy has greater opportunity for mischief. Currently, Kayak can lick clean the dishes in the sink with ease, taste test boiling food from pots and pans on the very back of the stove, retrieve butter from the far reaches of the counters and take a quick swipe of the top of the trashcan as he races into the kitchen. I have wrangled many a food item from his mouth and been too late on far too many occasions. The cat has been no help as she has decided it is her sole duty to bring him a mole each morning as a special breakfast delight. I secretly think she is hoping to give me a nervous breakdown so that she can have the house to herself.  Despite my best efforts, mole meat has become an essential part of his daily diet. The cat changes the exact location of the mole on a regular basis so I am usually playing catch up by the time Kayak gets it in his mouth and we begin our game of "spit out that mole or I will sell you on Ebay".  

Most people I've talked to have one or two horror stories regarding their puppy's random item consumption... I am beginning to rack them in. I did talk to a guy at the dog park the other day who found that his puppy had consumed 5 socks in one day. How that is possible I do not know, thankfully he threw them all back up. It was very encouraging to hear that his puppy is as mischievous as mine, but it also made me wonder;  if a boxer puppy can eat 5 socks in a day, how many socks can a newfie eat? And is this the reason that I can no longer seem to find a single matching pair of socks? 

My top horror stories right now include rotting birds, half decomposed squirels, three sticks of butter, a bag of grapes, a roll of paper towels,  my monthly bills and a bottle of Aleve gel capsules. I fear it is only going to get worse.

Did you know that grapes can be toxic to dogs? I surely didn't!!! I also didn't expect Kayak to get the bag of them from the far reaches of the kitchen table last night and eat half of them. I was hoping to avoid the massive amounts of diarrhea that followed, but I was not so blessed. After realizing just how bad grapes are for Kayak and the renal failure looming in his near future, I researched the best methods for making your puppy throw up. A tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide was the most frequent recommendation so I set to it. The process included:  a very embarrassing moment at the grocery store in which the late night cashier and the sketchy guy in line behind me began believing that I was a mental case with animal cruelty tendencies, three tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide, three very intense wrestling matches with the 65 pound beast, 3 walks, two unbelievably large piles of vomit in the neighbors yard (each needing special cleanup), and a huge sigh of relief as approximately 30 grapes exited the direct path to renal failure. 

Somehow... after all that turmoil...I felt more endeared to Kayak than ever!

Mom's Big Day

I love you Madre dearest! You're my all time favorite mom

I'm glad I'm your favorite daughter, it's clear you made me the bomb

Thanks for always loving me, despite all of my crazy

Through all the ups and downs of life, your love has never been hazy

In first grade I remember, I cried almost every day

I missed my wonderful mommy and didn't know what to say   

Middle school wasn't much better, I refused to spend a night away

With my mom I felt so safe, so home was where I'd stay

In high school I branched out more, and got involved in sport

I don't think my mom missed a single game, she was always there to support

In college I had crazy roommates and called home with all of the drama

I've always had someone to talk to, my friend, my confidant, my mama. 

Thanks for never pushing me harder than you knew that I could take, 

but knowing that a gentle nudge from you was all you needed to make 

All those days I stayed home sick, I think most of them were a scam

but you knew I needed a day off and some quality time with the fam

I was an accident prone child and you healed my many ails 

barbed wire, rock climbing, and all my other fails

Thanks for all the bandaids, the iodine and the tape

the trips to the hospital for tetanus following my more severe scrapes. 

Those admits for malaria, appendicitis and what not, 

the time I threw up and lost control all over the parking lot

Through all my mishaps you were there

You were my rock and my nurse, it showed me that you cared

Thanks for all the adventures too, all the trips to the beach and camping as well

You sacrificed a lot for us, slept in a wet tent and pulled sea urchins when we fell

You protected me from a lot back then and always for my good

You made a big deal of holidays, birthdays and always had good food. 

Senior year was a favorite for me, and all the time we got together

It was kind of fun being an only child and building a bond none could sever. 

Having you as a mom has been a wonderful fling,

Especially when friendship became our thing. 

I'm thankful for you always mom, I couldn't have asked for more

thanks for loving me so much and showing me for sure

I know you live far away and I'm too late to take you out, 

Here is a picture of your present though and where its' hanging about. 

I think the roses will die before you come, the chocolate is all but gone

But know that I love you dearly and I'm so thankful you're my mom!! 

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!!

"Forever Family"

Since I cannot use her real name for the following post I will refer to one of the children on my caseload as "Mary":

In July of 2009 I met Mary, a vivacious 10 year old seeking love and acceptance. The day that I met Mary, I sat with her in her room and asked her to describe herself to me and she responded with this question: "Haven't they already told you that I am a liar and a theif?"

One day, as Mary and I were driving in her neighborhood she started to sing along to the radio. She had an incredible voice and when I told her how beautifully she sounded she told me that it wasn't true, that she knew she had a bad voice - "my whole family tells me not to sing because I sound awful". As I got to know Mary over the first month or so of working with her I quickly figured out that I was very likely the first person in her life to ever pay her a compliment. They say that it takes someone saying 10 nice things to make as significant an impact as saying one negative. I knew that I had my work cut out for me as one of my biggest goals in my relationship with Mary was to try to undo some of the emotional abuse she had suffered. I needed to balance being genuine, with constant praise and positive reinforcement. I asked Mary to make a list of the things that she liked about herself and the things that she thought she would like to improve. After about ten minutes she looked up and said that she was done. She showed me her page and under "Things that I like about myself" was the harshness of blank white paper. Under "things that I would like to improve" were deep and bold written words about her looks, her abilities, her personality. She had no sense of self, no hope for the future, and could not accept that she was anything but a failure.

It has been a long and fruitful journey with Mary. We have laughed together, cried together, said goodbye to her biological family together, and have spent the past year trying to figure out who she was, who she is, and most importantly - who she wants to be. It has been amazing to watch her not only transform, but see her recognize that she beautiful. In the beginning, where I saw a butterfly, she saw a grub. After a year of working through her past and building her sense of self, our images are the same. Her change has not been outwordly like most, but an inward realization that she really is a butterfly. It has been such a joy to be a part of her growth and be able to tell her how proud she can be of herself.

About six months ago I started talking to Mary about her "forever family". I knew that Mary would not return to her biological family and I was excited to see her adopted into a new one. In the world of foster care this term "forever family" is used often. We ask our kids to describe their ideal "forever family", we ask families to consider commiting to be a "forever family" and we search for matches between the two. Mary quickly fell in love with her foster family and they in turn desired to make her a permanant part of their home. I like the term "forever family" because it signifies the longetude of their love and commitment to their new child. They decide that there will be no distiction between he/she and their biological children and they will love the child as if they were born out of them. Even though there may be genetic differances betweeen Mary and her "forever family", her new parents refer to her as their daughter and ignor the questioned looks they sometimes recieve. Before Mary was adopted I spent a lot of time talking to her about her name and asking whether she wanted to change it. She carefully considered this and decided to change her first name to comething unique and carefully designed by her, keep her middle name the same and change her last name to match that of her new family. Without probably realizing it, Mary was carefully creating her new identity. She chose a brand new, unique yet beautiful first name. She controlled it, she chose it... it represents her new beginning, her new identity. She kept her middle name, in a way remembering the family that she came from and her past. Mary changed her last name to that of her new family and her new future. Often the kids don't realize it, but in choosing their new name they also send a message to me that they are ready for adoption and that they are also commiting to become a part of their "forever family". On the day of her adoption, Mary arrived with a huge smile on her face and hope in her eyes. She joined her new family, not having forgotten the family that she left, but recognizing the unconditional love and the bright future she has with her forever family.

In the past year, 4 children on my caseload have been adopted. Preparing, watching, and experiancing these have been an example to me of my own relationship with Christ and the sacrifice he has made for me. Just as Mary's parents have spend enormous amounts of time building trust, showing love, giving discipline, and pursuing her in preparation for adoption - Christ is continually doing the same with me. I don't always recognize it and often mistake His discipline for anger and His suttle pursuit for abandonment. As an outsider watching the relationship build from strangers to family, I am reminder of Christ's ongoing pursuit of me. One day I will fully understand His love for me, for now I can remember that I am a part of His "Forever Family" and will never be abandoned.

Tomorrow, Mary and her new family celebrate as she is baptized into Christ's "Forever Family".

Weekend:

Thursday:

- Scheduled to leave house for Washington D.C. at approximately 8:00 am. Pressed Snooze, walked Harley, and left my house at 10:30.

- Pulled out of my backyard and hit a railroad tie, pulling off the right side panel to my car.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... not get upset.. and have enjoy the drive.

- Left the side panel of my car in the flower bed, wiped away a tear and restarted my drive to D.C.

- Drove 2.5 hours and then was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding. Was given a speeding ticket and encouraged to slow down.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... wiped away a second tear...

- Started my engine, merged, and restarted my drive.

- Drove 10 hours through TN and VA, arriving at destination KOA at approximately 7:55.

- Started grill

- Realized I had no grilling utensils

- Pulled an old trick of Dave's and used my license plate as a grill brush and flipper.

- Went to bed exhausted.... Comfort level of bed - 3.

Friday:

- 7:00 am - woke... ran across camp site to pee before having an accident.... made it.

- 10:30 - left for D.C. and drove about two hours....

- Before getting lost. Time spent being lost in downtown D.C. - 1 hour.

- Attended Esther's Lyme appointment lasting approximately 3 hours.

- 3:30 - left D.C. praying to make it out before traffic hit.

- 2 hour 30 minute trip was turned into 5.5 hours of driving in traffic.

- Stopped and ate dinner, and bought a cooking utensil.

- Added a mattress from another bed to the bed - in the end was worse than before.

Saturday:

- GOOD DAY. Went to the pool, hung out at campsite, went to the flea market, bought my brother a present, got a new pair of Roos.... etc.

Sunday:

- Left VA at 12:00 ish

- Halfway through VA, drove down a hill not paying attention to my surrounding or my speed... saw the cop and knew it was too late.

- Was pulled over... told I was going 85 in a 65.. and given my second ticket

- Was silent!

- Made it home.... glad to see Harley and my cats... went to bed

- Didn't fall asleep till 6:00 am... Harley woke me at 7:30

Monday:

- Went to court for one of my kids...

- Waited 3 hours

- Finished and came outside

- Parking Ticket!

Tuesday begins a NEW week!!!! I hope!!

Recent Pictures

What has life been like recently:

- Two of my kids were adopted and a third is scheduled take place in a couple weeks

- I got a raise :)

- Esther was in a really bad car accident.. it is a miracle she survived

- I got a puppy

- I started going to the chiropractor

- I passed 25,000 miles on my car

- I had a root canal and re-established my distaste for the dentist

- I bought a ticket to fly to Kenya for Christmas

- I have visited with family in St. Louis, Chattanooga, and Murphy

Here are a few recent pics of my life:

- Esther's totaled car:

- Check out those front paws :)

- Some adoption footage :)

- Wil and Amy after Wil's triathlon:

- Harley and I going fishing:

- Taking some kids to the swimming hole for the day and Sam playing air guitar at Wil's triathalon:

Bitter/Sweet

Life, I find is Bitter/Sweet.
A real life example: the Sweet: It is harvest time at my house.... the crops are abundant - plump, ripe and delicious. Onions, potatoes, corn, green beans, watermelon, berries, grapes, peppers of all varieties, cucumbers, tomatoes, and other random fruits and vegetables that my housemate, "mother earth", and I have planted this past year. All the hard work is paying off and we have an over-abundance of all the above named fregables (fruits/vegetables - I made that up myself:). Some how, a vegetable that you slaved to create tastes so much better than the one you chose out of a lineup at the grocery store. The taste of that ripe cherry tomato you popped into your mouth while walking through the garden, marveling at your work and pridefully giving yourself a pat on the back for creating something so magnificent.... tastes oh so sweet!! Unfortunately life is bitter/sweet... The real life Bitter: I am not sure if it is "plant pay back" or just God's sense of humor, but the sweetness of that tomato and the pride you feel towards your garden creation is nothing compared to the feeling of that over-ripe tomato, having fallen to the ground and rolled into the isle, squishing undesirably between the toes of your bare foot. Sometimes I hear the tomato laughing at me. And in a deep menacing voice it says, "You missed me.. I was ripe and waiting for you to find me and you missed me.. I fell to the earth and will soon turn to compost.... but you will remember me, oh yes you will. You will remember me more than my comrades... I will cause you a kind of agony that can not be inflicted with nails or shards of glass, you will scream and I will laugh having taken my revenge on you".