"Forever Family"

Since I cannot use her real name for the following post I will refer to one of the children on my caseload as "Mary":

In July of 2009 I met Mary, a vivacious 10 year old seeking love and acceptance. The day that I met Mary, I sat with her in her room and asked her to describe herself to me and she responded with this question: "Haven't they already told you that I am a liar and a theif?"

One day, as Mary and I were driving in her neighborhood she started to sing along to the radio. She had an incredible voice and when I told her how beautifully she sounded she told me that it wasn't true, that she knew she had a bad voice - "my whole family tells me not to sing because I sound awful". As I got to know Mary over the first month or so of working with her I quickly figured out that I was very likely the first person in her life to ever pay her a compliment. They say that it takes someone saying 10 nice things to make as significant an impact as saying one negative. I knew that I had my work cut out for me as one of my biggest goals in my relationship with Mary was to try to undo some of the emotional abuse she had suffered. I needed to balance being genuine, with constant praise and positive reinforcement. I asked Mary to make a list of the things that she liked about herself and the things that she thought she would like to improve. After about ten minutes she looked up and said that she was done. She showed me her page and under "Things that I like about myself" was the harshness of blank white paper. Under "things that I would like to improve" were deep and bold written words about her looks, her abilities, her personality. She had no sense of self, no hope for the future, and could not accept that she was anything but a failure.

It has been a long and fruitful journey with Mary. We have laughed together, cried together, said goodbye to her biological family together, and have spent the past year trying to figure out who she was, who she is, and most importantly - who she wants to be. It has been amazing to watch her not only transform, but see her recognize that she beautiful. In the beginning, where I saw a butterfly, she saw a grub. After a year of working through her past and building her sense of self, our images are the same. Her change has not been outwordly like most, but an inward realization that she really is a butterfly. It has been such a joy to be a part of her growth and be able to tell her how proud she can be of herself.

About six months ago I started talking to Mary about her "forever family". I knew that Mary would not return to her biological family and I was excited to see her adopted into a new one. In the world of foster care this term "forever family" is used often. We ask our kids to describe their ideal "forever family", we ask families to consider commiting to be a "forever family" and we search for matches between the two. Mary quickly fell in love with her foster family and they in turn desired to make her a permanant part of their home. I like the term "forever family" because it signifies the longetude of their love and commitment to their new child. They decide that there will be no distiction between he/she and their biological children and they will love the child as if they were born out of them. Even though there may be genetic differances betweeen Mary and her "forever family", her new parents refer to her as their daughter and ignor the questioned looks they sometimes recieve. Before Mary was adopted I spent a lot of time talking to her about her name and asking whether she wanted to change it. She carefully considered this and decided to change her first name to comething unique and carefully designed by her, keep her middle name the same and change her last name to match that of her new family. Without probably realizing it, Mary was carefully creating her new identity. She chose a brand new, unique yet beautiful first name. She controlled it, she chose it... it represents her new beginning, her new identity. She kept her middle name, in a way remembering the family that she came from and her past. Mary changed her last name to that of her new family and her new future. Often the kids don't realize it, but in choosing their new name they also send a message to me that they are ready for adoption and that they are also commiting to become a part of their "forever family". On the day of her adoption, Mary arrived with a huge smile on her face and hope in her eyes. She joined her new family, not having forgotten the family that she left, but recognizing the unconditional love and the bright future she has with her forever family.

In the past year, 4 children on my caseload have been adopted. Preparing, watching, and experiancing these have been an example to me of my own relationship with Christ and the sacrifice he has made for me. Just as Mary's parents have spend enormous amounts of time building trust, showing love, giving discipline, and pursuing her in preparation for adoption - Christ is continually doing the same with me. I don't always recognize it and often mistake His discipline for anger and His suttle pursuit for abandonment. As an outsider watching the relationship build from strangers to family, I am reminder of Christ's ongoing pursuit of me. One day I will fully understand His love for me, for now I can remember that I am a part of His "Forever Family" and will never be abandoned.

Tomorrow, Mary and her new family celebrate as she is baptized into Christ's "Forever Family".

Weekend:

Thursday:

- Scheduled to leave house for Washington D.C. at approximately 8:00 am. Pressed Snooze, walked Harley, and left my house at 10:30.

- Pulled out of my backyard and hit a railroad tie, pulling off the right side panel to my car.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... not get upset.. and have enjoy the drive.

- Left the side panel of my car in the flower bed, wiped away a tear and restarted my drive to D.C.

- Drove 2.5 hours and then was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding. Was given a speeding ticket and encouraged to slow down.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... wiped away a second tear...

- Started my engine, merged, and restarted my drive.

- Drove 10 hours through TN and VA, arriving at destination KOA at approximately 7:55.

- Started grill

- Realized I had no grilling utensils

- Pulled an old trick of Dave's and used my license plate as a grill brush and flipper.

- Went to bed exhausted.... Comfort level of bed - 3.

Friday:

- 7:00 am - woke... ran across camp site to pee before having an accident.... made it.

- 10:30 - left for D.C. and drove about two hours....

- Before getting lost. Time spent being lost in downtown D.C. - 1 hour.

- Attended Esther's Lyme appointment lasting approximately 3 hours.

- 3:30 - left D.C. praying to make it out before traffic hit.

- 2 hour 30 minute trip was turned into 5.5 hours of driving in traffic.

- Stopped and ate dinner, and bought a cooking utensil.

- Added a mattress from another bed to the bed - in the end was worse than before.

Saturday:

- GOOD DAY. Went to the pool, hung out at campsite, went to the flea market, bought my brother a present, got a new pair of Roos.... etc.

Sunday:

- Left VA at 12:00 ish

- Halfway through VA, drove down a hill not paying attention to my surrounding or my speed... saw the cop and knew it was too late.

- Was pulled over... told I was going 85 in a 65.. and given my second ticket

- Was silent!

- Made it home.... glad to see Harley and my cats... went to bed

- Didn't fall asleep till 6:00 am... Harley woke me at 7:30

Monday:

- Went to court for one of my kids...

- Waited 3 hours

- Finished and came outside

- Parking Ticket!

Tuesday begins a NEW week!!!! I hope!!

Recent Pictures

What has life been like recently:

- Two of my kids were adopted and a third is scheduled take place in a couple weeks

- I got a raise :)

- Esther was in a really bad car accident.. it is a miracle she survived

- I got a puppy

- I started going to the chiropractor

- I passed 25,000 miles on my car

- I had a root canal and re-established my distaste for the dentist

- I bought a ticket to fly to Kenya for Christmas

- I have visited with family in St. Louis, Chattanooga, and Murphy

Here are a few recent pics of my life:

- Esther's totaled car:

- Check out those front paws :)

- Some adoption footage :)

- Wil and Amy after Wil's triathlon:

- Harley and I going fishing:

- Taking some kids to the swimming hole for the day and Sam playing air guitar at Wil's triathalon:

Bitter/Sweet

Life, I find is Bitter/Sweet.
A real life example: the Sweet: It is harvest time at my house.... the crops are abundant - plump, ripe and delicious. Onions, potatoes, corn, green beans, watermelon, berries, grapes, peppers of all varieties, cucumbers, tomatoes, and other random fruits and vegetables that my housemate, "mother earth", and I have planted this past year. All the hard work is paying off and we have an over-abundance of all the above named fregables (fruits/vegetables - I made that up myself:). Some how, a vegetable that you slaved to create tastes so much better than the one you chose out of a lineup at the grocery store. The taste of that ripe cherry tomato you popped into your mouth while walking through the garden, marveling at your work and pridefully giving yourself a pat on the back for creating something so magnificent.... tastes oh so sweet!! Unfortunately life is bitter/sweet... The real life Bitter: I am not sure if it is "plant pay back" or just God's sense of humor, but the sweetness of that tomato and the pride you feel towards your garden creation is nothing compared to the feeling of that over-ripe tomato, having fallen to the ground and rolled into the isle, squishing undesirably between the toes of your bare foot. Sometimes I hear the tomato laughing at me. And in a deep menacing voice it says, "You missed me.. I was ripe and waiting for you to find me and you missed me.. I fell to the earth and will soon turn to compost.... but you will remember me, oh yes you will. You will remember me more than my comrades... I will cause you a kind of agony that can not be inflicted with nails or shards of glass, you will scream and I will laugh having taken my revenge on you".

On Father's Day

There once was a man from the American west,
Who married a woman and built a large nest.
Three children they had when they moved far away,
To Africa, where for a while they'd stay.

Soon came four to add to the bunch,
then followed the fifth without even a hunch.
The woman birthed five and that seemed like so many,
so twas his turn to have something he said 's called a vasectomy.

This man had one son who would follow behind,
along with four daughters joining into the line.
He taught them about cars, wood, tools and such
how to drive big brown cars and shift with a clutch.

As early as 3 his kids learned not to scare
while walking backwards off cliffs - feeling quite bare.
On a regular basis he'd pack up the car
and take them on adventures that were often quite far.

He let them be kids and helped them get dirty
taught them to read and be kind of nerdy.
He showed how to love people from all kinds of places
to see without colour and not judge by their races.

As the children grew up he took each to a place
around the world to see a familiar face.
But what was that rumor I heard 'bout the last,
that she never got her trip and wants one real fast?

When the children grew up he and his wife moved to Ealing,
Where the weather is cold and you often loose feeling.
He still sees his kids several times every year
They're important to him and this he's made clear.

This man that I talk of, I call him my Dad
He is very soft tempered and rarely gets mad -
Except for that time when he got ripped off on mangoes
and broke the kitchen cupboard with only his toes.

The only other time I remember in life
was putting up sheet rock which caused lots of strife.
A bad word came out and my mother did gawk
but he explained there are times when it's appropriate talk.

My dad's awfully smart and knows lots of stuff
He can do one handed pull ups and is still pretty buff.
We play lots of games and he's often got me beat,
but when it comes to boggle we all know that he cheats :)

My dad's got blond hair, blue eyes and fair skin
from the outside you may wonder if we really are kin.
But inside my dad and I are fairly the same,
he taught me to love people and be slow to inflict shame.

My dad's always tried to give all that he's got,
to help others who may not have an awful lot.
He taught me about sacrifice and humility as well,
showed me by example and picked me up when I fell.

I'm grateful for a dad whose taught me so much
Who's helped me and pushed me to be better and such.
I'm glad I can count on him being around,
He's simple the best that could ever be found.


In honor of you and to say thanks for what you've done
your children decided to buy you something fun.
Unfortunately this item only rhymes with one word
that's inappropriate at best and is hard to be heard.
But in the spirit of rhyming and to keep up the pace,
I'll cut to the chase and forget about saving face.
The item we'll give you rhymes with the word "crotch"
its a nifty little gadget, tells time -- It's a Watch!

When you visit your youngest down south in the "Noog"
She'll take you to find the one that accentuates your "Groove".

Thanks for all your love throughout the years! We LOVE you dad!!!

An Ode to my Mother:

Some Heroes aren't celebrated, the way that they should,
Some heroes make differences, they never thought they could.
What makes a hero? It's never been clear,
Is it someone who fly's, climbs, or causes great fear?

Is a hero a hero because he wears tights,
Drives fast cars or soars to great heights?
Is a hero a hero because he saves lives,
can throw balls of fire or very sharp knives?

Can a hero be someone without any fame?
Without lots of riches or a special made name?
Can a hero be someone who takes you to school?
Teaches you to ride bikes and swim in the pool?

Can a hero be someone who makes you eat greens.
No matter how much you protest and you scream?
Can a hero be someone who sings you to sleep
Who shoos away monsters without making a peep?

Is a hero a friend who knows just what to say.
When you slip and you fall or just have a bad day?
Can a hero be someone who plays hide and seek,
Who tells you you're pretty when you think you're a freak?

I'll tell you the truth about heroes and all,
MY hero can't fly and is not very tall.
My hero gets scared when facing great height,
She does not have powers or extraordinary might.

But those things don't make someone a hero you see
My hero's a hero because she matters to Me.
My hero's my hero because she gave of her time
to feed me and wash me and scrub off the grime.

She taught me my numbers and alphabet too,
She scrubbed at the birthmark she thought might be poo.
She helped brush my teeth and comb out my hair,
No matter how much I caused her despair.

She taught me to read and to value the world
She taught me to live life and never say "bored".
My hero is playful and loves to pull pranks,
In April she plans these and goes to great lengths.

She made me feel safe when I crawled in her bed,
after having a dream that got stuck in my head.
She let me skip school to spend time just us two,
To do something special, maybe go somewhere new.

She watched me play sports and cheered when I won
At the beach, gave me shirts to protect from the sun.
She carefully wiped away my crocodile tears,
When things came around that brought out my fears.

Can you guess who's my hero or do you still need more clues,
My hero's so versatile and has many hues,

My hero's the person I've always admired,
My MOTHER's my hero, to whom I've aspired.

On gardening

The daunting task of tilling, forming the rows, and planting the seeds has been completed and Esther and my garden is on its way towards deliciousness. I can't wait. This year we have created something special in the hopes that our garden will be even more successful than our last. What is it... well... a very complex, detailed scare crow (we call it a "scare squirrel" as they are our primary targets). What does it look like... well, that is the interesting fact: Esther and my neighbor recently cut down a small tree and Esther and I used a combination of the discarded limbs, an old bucket, an old decrepit soccer ball, and some string to form a 6 foot 5 inch monster of an individual who interestingly enough resembles Esther quite significantly (aside of course from the monster-ness, the 6'5 height - and the soccer ball head).
The day after we built "Scare-Squirrel" he was standing in the yard when I woke up in the morning and sleepily entered the kitchen to let Acacia out. When I looked outside I was shocked to see that Esther was awake and outside, standing really straight with her arms stretched out to either side and an extremely large grin on her face. As you may have guessed, I had been tricked by "Scare-Squirrel". Since that time, I wake every morning and have yet to remember that Esther is in fact NOT in the garden, looking towards the sky; contemplating the weather.
"Scare-Squirrel" even tricked our neighbor John, who got startled when he thought there were two Esthers in the yard.

The sad news - yesterday Esther noticed a squirrel darting through Scare-Squirrel's legs. Apparently Scare-Squirrels are much better at inflicting fear into the hearts of humans and causing mass confusion, than convincing squirrels not to eat our plants.

The above pictures are from our garden last year. Hopefully with or without the help of Scare-Squirrel we can have as much success - can you find the hobbit among the corn?

Strippers and flowers

I asked the young man at Ace Hardware if he knew where the Strippers were????

I turned red - he laughed - and Esther reminded me that we were in a hardware store and that I needed to go to a special type of club if I wanted to find strippers.

Today, I returned to the same Ace having somehow forgotten the whole experience documented above. I went to get a pole to help create a fence for my grapes and also bought $30 worth of flowers (after I had lectured Esther about buying more things for the garden - ooops) . As I walked inside a young man wearing an "Ace Hardware" vest asked me if I had found any strippers?

I think I need to find a new hardware store to frequent :(
(The upside to this story is that I believe the same young man has a fairly significant crush on my friend Esther, thus "priced" a clay pot which had mysteriously lost its tage and was specially designed to house several different types of herbs at approximately 1/3 of the real worth in order for her to buy it).

Impending Doom

On 4/6/2010 at 10:58pm I traveled from the living room to my bedroom in the hopes of making it to my closet to pick out clothes to wear to court the following morning. Tomorrow, I will leave my house by 6:15 am - pick up three children from homes on opposite sides of the county and with them travel to Knoxville TN to appear in court. I will be in court from approximately 8:45am till whenever my case is called, plus however long it takes in the courtroom. So far, I am typically second to last called - putting my time in the courtroom beginning around 12:00pm and ending no earlier than 1:00pm. Since I have to leave early in the morning I decided to be prepared and choose and ready my outfit while I have the brain.. that I will not have at 5:45 in the morning.

As I migrated towards my room I consentrated on my possibilities - not at all excited about the prospect of spending the day with two teenagers, an almost teenager, and worst of all, three angry, fighting and demeaning biological family members with whom I will likely act as peace keeper while ultimately trying to accomplish my goal of intercepting any conversation directed towards my kids with the intent of dissuading them from their testimony in court - all of which I will have to perform while wearing heals and attempting to retain my dignity.

As you can imagine, I was quite distracted, thinking the above thoughts, that I did not happen to see the long, skinny, tender brown mass that lay in my path. And as expected, since I did not see this impending doom, I also did not consider the consequences that may occur when said item may meet my unsuspecting, yet very bare... feet.

The rest of this story pretty much tells itself - but let me mention that inside above mentioned perfectly placed object of destruction and undeserved degradation lay a bizaare mixture of what appeared to be some sort of snot, puss, juice cocktail.

I am beginning to wonder if God was a bit slap happy when he created me... my theory: The frequency at which I find myself in similar situations to the one listed above seems as though it could only have been designed by a very great and powerful being.. and not merely by chance.

Migrains make us do crazy things!

Allow me to elaborate. On Wednesday this week I needed some intense retail therapy.... so.. I went shopping. Regret got a hold of me later that evening and I decided that a few of my purchases were unnecessary and hard to justify. So, the following day I returned to the store to get my money back. As is my luck, all the return staff were busy so I decided to browse until they were free. As I was browsing I found some items I "needed" more :) One item I was/am extremely excited about.. a bath mat designed by God and produced for my delights. I decided that a very soft, squishy bathmat was a luxury worth having. So.. I returned my items, and spent more money than I got back. Oh well.
Later that day I showed my new bathmat to Esther, who oohed and aaahed as much as I had and informed me that my decision was justified. (during this time I also went and had my taxes done and found out that I am getting more money back than I had anticipated - thus also justifying the luxery of a bathmat). To celebrate my tax return Esther and I went and got some dinner and a dollar movie. Around dinner time my head began to hurt and I told it to go away. Unfotunately my body listens to me about as much as the kids on my caseload do... thus, by the time the movie was over I was in full migrain mode. I haven't had a headache so back in a long time. Esther took over driving home and I sat, stiff as a board, air-conditioning pouring on my face, trying not to cry, throw up, or move until we got home. When we arrived home I went straight for the bathroom, Esther got me some medicine, and without really realizing it, I curled up on the bathmat... placing my head in a vice between my arms, trying to silence the pain. After a while, Esther discovered me in the bathroom and coaxed me to my bed so that I could at least fall asleep.
I awoke the next morning without my headache, but with a strange discovery in my bed. I woke to find my bathmat draped over my pillows, my face snuggled into the soft fabric. Thankfully the bathmat had only found a home in my bathroom for a day (otherwise this would have been pretty gross). Esther informed me later that day that I had insisted that I needed to sleep with it and had covered my pillows with it before falling asleep.
I returned the mat to its rightful place in the house, but whenever I go into the bathroom there is a bit of sadness that I can no longer use it as a pillow case.

Almost made me pee :)

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Maybe I am sadistic, maybe I am starved for comedy, or maybe this add is genuinely hysterical. Either way, I almost peed when I read this classified:

Was that your limb? - w4m

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Date: 2009-06-25, 2:18AM EDT

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I was running to catch the 9 train, early in the morning tuesday. Apparently I wasn't the only one: I saw you down the subway stop ahead of me. You were sprinting, and collided with a support column. Your prosthetic arm flew off, and you kept running.

You made the train, and I did not. All that was left was your lovely arm, glistening from the summer humidity. It smelled of pine and saddleneck oil.

I have it now, in my living room. It's sitting in a hallway basket, with some umbrellas and a digeridoo. Contact me: I'd like to meet the rest of you.

-Susan

Susan, you made my day. And I saved this add so that I can read it whenever I am feeling down :) I hope you never mistake the prosthetic arm for the didgeridoo in your hall basket. That could be frightening.

MyEarthWear is the "cool" thing to do!!

Hey Family and anyone else who might read this. My friend Esther was diagnosed with Lyme disease about 6 months ago and has since had to quit her job and is practically home bound while she takes medication and battles the Lyme to get her life back to "normal". So as not to go crazy at home, Esther started playing around with making earrings and turns out to be quite good. As she is not able to work for at least another 6 months or so, she started a website and is hoping to bring in a little bit of extra income by selling her cool earrings and other "earthy" type crafts. So far only the earrings are on the website, but soon walking sticks and maybe some other cool "natural" type stuff will be offered. She will also sell her stuff at the Chattanooga Market and other venues around here if you are interested.

So.. if you like cool earrings, like giving gifts to people who like cool earrings, are a shopaholic, want to give me a pair of cool earrings, or want to help out Esther, check out her website.

http://myearthwear.com/

In relative news, I will be going up to Washington D.C. next week to help Esther as she goes for another appointment with her doctor. I am really excited because we are going to stay with Kable, one of the greatest people I know, and I am excited about getting out of Chattanooga for a few days. I am a bit nervous as it is the end of the month which means that I have a LOT of work to do and have to get all my paperwork in... but I am sure it will all work out.

I am thinking about writing a documentary about small town court. On Friday I was in court in a small town that we will code name "red-neck-country-ville" and was struck by the "culture" that surrounded me. Sitting in front of me was a 70-ish year old man with a buzzed head - aside from the "bottom-length" , gray, braided rat tail that hung past his seat and encroached on my own personal seating space. I use the term "personal seating space" lightly as courthouses in general seem to keep it in fine print when designing the layout of the room. The youth service worker (who sits next to the Juvenile judge) barely made it through the approximately 10 foot height door frame without getting her mounds and mounds of hair, that was precariously piled as high as possible on her head, caught and mangled on the door frame. The court secretary seemed to care little about what was going on, or performing the duties of her job. As she sat during court her computer screen faced in my exact direction. I must admit, I was also distracted by the photo albums she was scrolling through on Facebook. Thankfully my case was not called at that particular time, and in her defense, the current proceedings were of very little amusement. If I remember correctly it had something to do with trespassing, a cow, and at one point the prosecution seemed angry at the old man. His final question was as follows: Now, Mr. "Old Man", why did you not go to Mr. "not so old man, who was clearly trespassing and damaging property" and ask him why he was on your property and to please leave, before you called the police. Don't you think this would have been the nice thing to do? .... I must say, I was rooting for the old man. He seemed nice... and old... and no one likes their personal space to be violated, or their property damaged. And even though it is a small town and if I had to venture to guess, the prosecutions attorney and the "trespasser" are likely kin in some way or other, that still doesn't mean that an old many has to overlook the misdemeanors of bored, middle age men, who have nothing better to do than trespass on other people's property. It may have been polite, but in my mind.. unnecessary.