"Forever Family"

Since I cannot use her real name for the following post I will refer to one of the children on my caseload as "Mary":

In July of 2009 I met Mary, a vivacious 10 year old seeking love and acceptance. The day that I met Mary, I sat with her in her room and asked her to describe herself to me and she responded with this question: "Haven't they already told you that I am a liar and a theif?"

One day, as Mary and I were driving in her neighborhood she started to sing along to the radio. She had an incredible voice and when I told her how beautifully she sounded she told me that it wasn't true, that she knew she had a bad voice - "my whole family tells me not to sing because I sound awful". As I got to know Mary over the first month or so of working with her I quickly figured out that I was very likely the first person in her life to ever pay her a compliment. They say that it takes someone saying 10 nice things to make as significant an impact as saying one negative. I knew that I had my work cut out for me as one of my biggest goals in my relationship with Mary was to try to undo some of the emotional abuse she had suffered. I needed to balance being genuine, with constant praise and positive reinforcement. I asked Mary to make a list of the things that she liked about herself and the things that she thought she would like to improve. After about ten minutes she looked up and said that she was done. She showed me her page and under "Things that I like about myself" was the harshness of blank white paper. Under "things that I would like to improve" were deep and bold written words about her looks, her abilities, her personality. She had no sense of self, no hope for the future, and could not accept that she was anything but a failure.

It has been a long and fruitful journey with Mary. We have laughed together, cried together, said goodbye to her biological family together, and have spent the past year trying to figure out who she was, who she is, and most importantly - who she wants to be. It has been amazing to watch her not only transform, but see her recognize that she beautiful. In the beginning, where I saw a butterfly, she saw a grub. After a year of working through her past and building her sense of self, our images are the same. Her change has not been outwordly like most, but an inward realization that she really is a butterfly. It has been such a joy to be a part of her growth and be able to tell her how proud she can be of herself.

About six months ago I started talking to Mary about her "forever family". I knew that Mary would not return to her biological family and I was excited to see her adopted into a new one. In the world of foster care this term "forever family" is used often. We ask our kids to describe their ideal "forever family", we ask families to consider commiting to be a "forever family" and we search for matches between the two. Mary quickly fell in love with her foster family and they in turn desired to make her a permanant part of their home. I like the term "forever family" because it signifies the longetude of their love and commitment to their new child. They decide that there will be no distiction between he/she and their biological children and they will love the child as if they were born out of them. Even though there may be genetic differances betweeen Mary and her "forever family", her new parents refer to her as their daughter and ignor the questioned looks they sometimes recieve. Before Mary was adopted I spent a lot of time talking to her about her name and asking whether she wanted to change it. She carefully considered this and decided to change her first name to comething unique and carefully designed by her, keep her middle name the same and change her last name to match that of her new family. Without probably realizing it, Mary was carefully creating her new identity. She chose a brand new, unique yet beautiful first name. She controlled it, she chose it... it represents her new beginning, her new identity. She kept her middle name, in a way remembering the family that she came from and her past. Mary changed her last name to that of her new family and her new future. Often the kids don't realize it, but in choosing their new name they also send a message to me that they are ready for adoption and that they are also commiting to become a part of their "forever family". On the day of her adoption, Mary arrived with a huge smile on her face and hope in her eyes. She joined her new family, not having forgotten the family that she left, but recognizing the unconditional love and the bright future she has with her forever family.

In the past year, 4 children on my caseload have been adopted. Preparing, watching, and experiancing these have been an example to me of my own relationship with Christ and the sacrifice he has made for me. Just as Mary's parents have spend enormous amounts of time building trust, showing love, giving discipline, and pursuing her in preparation for adoption - Christ is continually doing the same with me. I don't always recognize it and often mistake His discipline for anger and His suttle pursuit for abandonment. As an outsider watching the relationship build from strangers to family, I am reminder of Christ's ongoing pursuit of me. One day I will fully understand His love for me, for now I can remember that I am a part of His "Forever Family" and will never be abandoned.

Tomorrow, Mary and her new family celebrate as she is baptized into Christ's "Forever Family".

Weekend:

Thursday:

- Scheduled to leave house for Washington D.C. at approximately 8:00 am. Pressed Snooze, walked Harley, and left my house at 10:30.

- Pulled out of my backyard and hit a railroad tie, pulling off the right side panel to my car.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... not get upset.. and have enjoy the drive.

- Left the side panel of my car in the flower bed, wiped away a tear and restarted my drive to D.C.

- Drove 2.5 hours and then was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding. Was given a speeding ticket and encouraged to slow down.

- Reminded myself that I had promised to have a good day... wiped away a second tear...

- Started my engine, merged, and restarted my drive.

- Drove 10 hours through TN and VA, arriving at destination KOA at approximately 7:55.

- Started grill

- Realized I had no grilling utensils

- Pulled an old trick of Dave's and used my license plate as a grill brush and flipper.

- Went to bed exhausted.... Comfort level of bed - 3.

Friday:

- 7:00 am - woke... ran across camp site to pee before having an accident.... made it.

- 10:30 - left for D.C. and drove about two hours....

- Before getting lost. Time spent being lost in downtown D.C. - 1 hour.

- Attended Esther's Lyme appointment lasting approximately 3 hours.

- 3:30 - left D.C. praying to make it out before traffic hit.

- 2 hour 30 minute trip was turned into 5.5 hours of driving in traffic.

- Stopped and ate dinner, and bought a cooking utensil.

- Added a mattress from another bed to the bed - in the end was worse than before.

Saturday:

- GOOD DAY. Went to the pool, hung out at campsite, went to the flea market, bought my brother a present, got a new pair of Roos.... etc.

Sunday:

- Left VA at 12:00 ish

- Halfway through VA, drove down a hill not paying attention to my surrounding or my speed... saw the cop and knew it was too late.

- Was pulled over... told I was going 85 in a 65.. and given my second ticket

- Was silent!

- Made it home.... glad to see Harley and my cats... went to bed

- Didn't fall asleep till 6:00 am... Harley woke me at 7:30

Monday:

- Went to court for one of my kids...

- Waited 3 hours

- Finished and came outside

- Parking Ticket!

Tuesday begins a NEW week!!!! I hope!!

Recent Pictures

What has life been like recently:

- Two of my kids were adopted and a third is scheduled take place in a couple weeks

- I got a raise :)

- Esther was in a really bad car accident.. it is a miracle she survived

- I got a puppy

- I started going to the chiropractor

- I passed 25,000 miles on my car

- I had a root canal and re-established my distaste for the dentist

- I bought a ticket to fly to Kenya for Christmas

- I have visited with family in St. Louis, Chattanooga, and Murphy

Here are a few recent pics of my life:

- Esther's totaled car:

- Check out those front paws :)

- Some adoption footage :)

- Wil and Amy after Wil's triathlon:

- Harley and I going fishing:

- Taking some kids to the swimming hole for the day and Sam playing air guitar at Wil's triathalon:

Bitter/Sweet

Life, I find is Bitter/Sweet.
A real life example: the Sweet: It is harvest time at my house.... the crops are abundant - plump, ripe and delicious. Onions, potatoes, corn, green beans, watermelon, berries, grapes, peppers of all varieties, cucumbers, tomatoes, and other random fruits and vegetables that my housemate, "mother earth", and I have planted this past year. All the hard work is paying off and we have an over-abundance of all the above named fregables (fruits/vegetables - I made that up myself:). Some how, a vegetable that you slaved to create tastes so much better than the one you chose out of a lineup at the grocery store. The taste of that ripe cherry tomato you popped into your mouth while walking through the garden, marveling at your work and pridefully giving yourself a pat on the back for creating something so magnificent.... tastes oh so sweet!! Unfortunately life is bitter/sweet... The real life Bitter: I am not sure if it is "plant pay back" or just God's sense of humor, but the sweetness of that tomato and the pride you feel towards your garden creation is nothing compared to the feeling of that over-ripe tomato, having fallen to the ground and rolled into the isle, squishing undesirably between the toes of your bare foot. Sometimes I hear the tomato laughing at me. And in a deep menacing voice it says, "You missed me.. I was ripe and waiting for you to find me and you missed me.. I fell to the earth and will soon turn to compost.... but you will remember me, oh yes you will. You will remember me more than my comrades... I will cause you a kind of agony that can not be inflicted with nails or shards of glass, you will scream and I will laugh having taken my revenge on you".

On Father's Day

There once was a man from the American west,
Who married a woman and built a large nest.
Three children they had when they moved far away,
To Africa, where for a while they'd stay.

Soon came four to add to the bunch,
then followed the fifth without even a hunch.
The woman birthed five and that seemed like so many,
so twas his turn to have something he said 's called a vasectomy.

This man had one son who would follow behind,
along with four daughters joining into the line.
He taught them about cars, wood, tools and such
how to drive big brown cars and shift with a clutch.

As early as 3 his kids learned not to scare
while walking backwards off cliffs - feeling quite bare.
On a regular basis he'd pack up the car
and take them on adventures that were often quite far.

He let them be kids and helped them get dirty
taught them to read and be kind of nerdy.
He showed how to love people from all kinds of places
to see without colour and not judge by their races.

As the children grew up he took each to a place
around the world to see a familiar face.
But what was that rumor I heard 'bout the last,
that she never got her trip and wants one real fast?

When the children grew up he and his wife moved to Ealing,
Where the weather is cold and you often loose feeling.
He still sees his kids several times every year
They're important to him and this he's made clear.

This man that I talk of, I call him my Dad
He is very soft tempered and rarely gets mad -
Except for that time when he got ripped off on mangoes
and broke the kitchen cupboard with only his toes.

The only other time I remember in life
was putting up sheet rock which caused lots of strife.
A bad word came out and my mother did gawk
but he explained there are times when it's appropriate talk.

My dad's awfully smart and knows lots of stuff
He can do one handed pull ups and is still pretty buff.
We play lots of games and he's often got me beat,
but when it comes to boggle we all know that he cheats :)

My dad's got blond hair, blue eyes and fair skin
from the outside you may wonder if we really are kin.
But inside my dad and I are fairly the same,
he taught me to love people and be slow to inflict shame.

My dad's always tried to give all that he's got,
to help others who may not have an awful lot.
He taught me about sacrifice and humility as well,
showed me by example and picked me up when I fell.

I'm grateful for a dad whose taught me so much
Who's helped me and pushed me to be better and such.
I'm glad I can count on him being around,
He's simple the best that could ever be found.


In honor of you and to say thanks for what you've done
your children decided to buy you something fun.
Unfortunately this item only rhymes with one word
that's inappropriate at best and is hard to be heard.
But in the spirit of rhyming and to keep up the pace,
I'll cut to the chase and forget about saving face.
The item we'll give you rhymes with the word "crotch"
its a nifty little gadget, tells time -- It's a Watch!

When you visit your youngest down south in the "Noog"
She'll take you to find the one that accentuates your "Groove".

Thanks for all your love throughout the years! We LOVE you dad!!!

An Ode to my Mother:

Some Heroes aren't celebrated, the way that they should,
Some heroes make differences, they never thought they could.
What makes a hero? It's never been clear,
Is it someone who fly's, climbs, or causes great fear?

Is a hero a hero because he wears tights,
Drives fast cars or soars to great heights?
Is a hero a hero because he saves lives,
can throw balls of fire or very sharp knives?

Can a hero be someone without any fame?
Without lots of riches or a special made name?
Can a hero be someone who takes you to school?
Teaches you to ride bikes and swim in the pool?

Can a hero be someone who makes you eat greens.
No matter how much you protest and you scream?
Can a hero be someone who sings you to sleep
Who shoos away monsters without making a peep?

Is a hero a friend who knows just what to say.
When you slip and you fall or just have a bad day?
Can a hero be someone who plays hide and seek,
Who tells you you're pretty when you think you're a freak?

I'll tell you the truth about heroes and all,
MY hero can't fly and is not very tall.
My hero gets scared when facing great height,
She does not have powers or extraordinary might.

But those things don't make someone a hero you see
My hero's a hero because she matters to Me.
My hero's my hero because she gave of her time
to feed me and wash me and scrub off the grime.

She taught me my numbers and alphabet too,
She scrubbed at the birthmark she thought might be poo.
She helped brush my teeth and comb out my hair,
No matter how much I caused her despair.

She taught me to read and to value the world
She taught me to live life and never say "bored".
My hero is playful and loves to pull pranks,
In April she plans these and goes to great lengths.

She made me feel safe when I crawled in her bed,
after having a dream that got stuck in my head.
She let me skip school to spend time just us two,
To do something special, maybe go somewhere new.

She watched me play sports and cheered when I won
At the beach, gave me shirts to protect from the sun.
She carefully wiped away my crocodile tears,
When things came around that brought out my fears.

Can you guess who's my hero or do you still need more clues,
My hero's so versatile and has many hues,

My hero's the person I've always admired,
My MOTHER's my hero, to whom I've aspired.

On gardening

The daunting task of tilling, forming the rows, and planting the seeds has been completed and Esther and my garden is on its way towards deliciousness. I can't wait. This year we have created something special in the hopes that our garden will be even more successful than our last. What is it... well... a very complex, detailed scare crow (we call it a "scare squirrel" as they are our primary targets). What does it look like... well, that is the interesting fact: Esther and my neighbor recently cut down a small tree and Esther and I used a combination of the discarded limbs, an old bucket, an old decrepit soccer ball, and some string to form a 6 foot 5 inch monster of an individual who interestingly enough resembles Esther quite significantly (aside of course from the monster-ness, the 6'5 height - and the soccer ball head).
The day after we built "Scare-Squirrel" he was standing in the yard when I woke up in the morning and sleepily entered the kitchen to let Acacia out. When I looked outside I was shocked to see that Esther was awake and outside, standing really straight with her arms stretched out to either side and an extremely large grin on her face. As you may have guessed, I had been tricked by "Scare-Squirrel". Since that time, I wake every morning and have yet to remember that Esther is in fact NOT in the garden, looking towards the sky; contemplating the weather.
"Scare-Squirrel" even tricked our neighbor John, who got startled when he thought there were two Esthers in the yard.

The sad news - yesterday Esther noticed a squirrel darting through Scare-Squirrel's legs. Apparently Scare-Squirrels are much better at inflicting fear into the hearts of humans and causing mass confusion, than convincing squirrels not to eat our plants.

The above pictures are from our garden last year. Hopefully with or without the help of Scare-Squirrel we can have as much success - can you find the hobbit among the corn?